“When I first saw the NASA photo, I knew instantly that is was cocaine embedded and growing in the Martian real estate,” said Marty Turf, Broker/Owner of Turf Realty in Miami, Florida. “NASA said it melted when they scooped it up…oh, come on…the wind blew it away, everyone knows what happens when you try to scoop up snow when the wind is gusting,” he replied, sniffing loudly to clear his sinuses.

NASA’s official response to the photo was, “it’s just ice.” Turf believes it is not ice but a sign of real estate recovery through new, highly innovative marketing approaches…in fact, he has approached the National Association of Realtors (NAR) with a proposal that would allow certain properties to be induced with approved narcotics in order to improve their value.

NAR Considers Several Proposals

Marty believes that real estate cocaine may provide a solution to the real estate market depression hitting Florida and the rest of the country. He is determined to seek approval from local and national authorities, such as NAR to hide (embed) cocaine in the soil of carefully selected distressed properties, thus increasing their street value (the house, you dummy! Not the cocaine!).

NAR gave no immediate or official response. But insiders tell us that NAR is reviewing a proposal from Mr. Turf. A former NAR official, wishing to remain anonymous, remarked, “This is the first glimpse of any new marketing strategy that could help bring the recovery we’re all looking for…I for one would favor seating a task force to look into the concept of marketing property that has been infused with prescription drugs but not cocaine, heroin and other hard drugs…this would allow property owners and their personal physicians some degree of anonymity under the physician/patient confidentiality ethic.”

NAR faces many obstacles as do Broker/Owners who are considering adoption of new, innovative and exciting marketing programs that move away from websites, real estate magazines and blogs. Since the Martian photo hit the Internet, ideas have been pouring into NAR to consider including traces of Prozac, Ambien and other prescription solutions as substitutes for Martian or other cocaine.

“Nothing could be more consumer-centric than this, let’s forget blogging and social media for just a minute or two and look at what people really want,” said Betchu A. Dime, one of the real estate industries preeminent bloggers on her blog www.WhiteXmas.com.

SNORT Speaks

One analysis submitted by the Washington based group known as the Strategic National Organization for Realty Transformation (SNORT) boldly proclaimed, “Property values could be immediately and substantially increased…almost overnight…creating a wave of new mortgages, inspections, title and escrow services and yes…a new round of wealth.”

SNORT’s report also stated, “People who are standing in the way of this initiative proposed by Mr. Turf are standing in the way of a new real estate appreciation cycle that could escalate prices as much as 50 percent in just a matter of days.”

One Tampa homeowner declared, “We have all been funding NASA for years, it’s time we got something for our money…I’m in favor of cocaine marketing solutions!”

A Palm Beach condo developer had his own spin. “This could revolutionize the dying condo market, bring a whole new definition to ‘undivided interest’ and provide association members with new reasons to celebrate!”

SNORT’s Public Relations and Marketing Manager, Line S. Upsomemore, reports that phones were lighting up from cities around the country. “Most people just don’t care what it takes, they just want their property values high and the opportunity to find a buyer,” said Linus.

NAR could not be immediately reached for comment. No response is expected until after the 4th of July holiday weekend.

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